


I don't have a choice but I'd still choose you

by khurst



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:46:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khurst/pseuds/khurst
Summary: This is my Supergirl fanfic debut as well as my f/f debut. I'm a little nervous about both - mostly about how well I got Cat's register. But alas, I braved the unknown and it got me out of my fanfic rut.This is written up to chapter 3 - where it will be complete - but there may be more if I ever decide to keep going. Rating will be upped with chapter 2 - which I am still editing.I have no beta-reader (yet) so bear with me.This is set somewhere n season 5. Maybe it's an AU, maybe it's just what happens off-screen. Who knows? Who cares?I needed to see Cat's reaction to learning that Kara died in 4x21 and alas, I wrote it myself.Also, before I forget, I promised this, my very first Supergirl fanfic, to GaneWhoo, who wrote a wonderful SuperCat fic for me. I loved it and I hope she doesn't hate this.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Cat Grant
Comments: 8
Kudos: 151





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GaneWhoo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GaneWhoo/gifts).



“Oh my...give me those,” Kara’s fingers clawed the air between herself and the box of potstickers Alex was dangling in front of her. “I swear, I’m starving.”

“Not on my watch,” her sister replied with a grin, “mom’s going to kill me if I let you die again.”

Cat’s eyes widened as she took in the slight stiffening of Alex’ whole posture. She may have been the one to make the joke as she stepped into the open door, but the signs were clear that she was forcing herself to be casual about it. When she saw Kara’s sister, Cat had meant to hang back, turn around and pay Kara a visit the next day. But then the door opened and Kara’s excited voice hit her ears and Cat stood enraptured. Neither of the women had noticed her yet, meaning Cat could still make a u-turn, but when Alex uttered those damning words and Cat took in her demeanour, there was no chance in hell she could hold back. Even if her mind screamed at her to keep quiet.

“What did she mean DIE AGAIN?” Two heads stuck back out the still open door at the sudden screech and if Cat had been in any other state of mind she would have found it comical.

“Miss Grant?” 

“Miss Grant!” Both young women exclaimed in sync.

“Don’t you ‘Miss Grant’ me, Kara Danvers.” Cat stalked through the door and past Alex, setting her handbag on the small counter, to turn around to two shocked faces, hand on her angled hips. “Explain!”

“Uhm,” Alex uttered as she carefully stepped closer to Cat - the older woman’s eyes squinting at her - to set the take-out boxes on the counter and quickly stepping back towards the door that Cat had thrown shut behind her. “I don’t think I want to be here for this.”

“Alex,” Kara whined, but her sister was already half out the door, “it’s sister night.”

“Raincheck.” Alex called over her shoulder not bothering to wait for a reply. She really did not want to be around for this. She’d make sure to get all the juicy details later.

“Kara!” She carefully closed the door and turned back around, still not used to hearing her name correctly from _those_ lips. “What did your sister mean when she said ‘die again’?”

“Uhm,” Kara started in perfect imitation of her sister a few seconds ago, “there may have been an incident a few weeks ago.” She shrugged unsure how much she should actually say.

“An incident that has your usually stoic sister so rattled?” The disbelieving look Cat gave her made Kara squirm internally.

“She made a joke.”

“I’m aware,” Cat schooled her features to look bored at Kara’s futile attempts to dissuade her. “But she was uncomfortable at the truth in that joke. So please explain to me exactly what happened...Supergirl.” she added for good measure to let the young woman know she wanted the truth.

“How closely did you follow the events here?” Kara asked and at Cat’s disbelieving stare continued, “Of course, uhm, there was a close call in a fight.”

“A close call or did you actually die as your sister implied?”

“It wasn’t an implication.” Kara answered the question without directly saying it.

“And when did you think about telling me?”

“Uhm, never?” Kara shrugged again, sincerely this time though. 

“I see.” Cat pressed her lips together to form a thin line and started to pace in front of Kara. She drummed two fingers against her mouth for a few second before she started speaking again. “I’m well aware that I haven’t been...responsive in the last few months, but I thought this was the kind of thing you would let me know about.”

“Not many people know about it.”

“Does your mother know?”

“Yes?” Kara was confused, since Alex had obviously referred to their mother when she made the joke.

“Does _your_ mother know?” Cat stressed. “And don’t give me the orphan line, cause we both know that was your mother I saw on basically every TV screen a few months ago.”

“No, she doesn’t know.” Kara admitted, not sure yet if she felt guilty about that. It’s not like she wanted her mother to know that kind of pain. “But we don’t get the chance to talk that often.”

“Well, I’d still think you would get in contact about something like that with me.”

“Are you serious? How was I supposed to know I was even allowed to contact you anymore?”

“I wasn’t aware you needed permission to insert yourself into my personal live.” Cat almost hissed. 

“You all but vanished. I sent you my first article and you replied to Snapper and told him to teach me better. Not to me, to _Snapper_.” 

“Oh please, you knew your article was good, but he needed to push you more, make you better.”

“You were supposed to push me, but you just left. You gave me this _great_ opportunity to _dive_ and then you just left me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, I didn’t leave you. I left National City.”

“You may as well have been on another planet.”

“You’d know about things like that…” Cat tried to provoke further, but Kara ignored it and kept rambling.

“But after President Marsdin left, you vanished. When I needed you the most, you were not here and I had no idea where you were or if you’d ever come back.” The accusation that Cat had lied, made empty promises to her when she had said she’d be back was there. Cat couldn’t fault her for that.

“You didn’t need me. You never really needed me.”

“You have no idea…” Kara started but the fire left her when she remembered how utterly alone she had felt in those past months. 

“You have no idea what it was like,” Kara’s voice had grown quiet, “and you have no right to be angry about something I had no control over.”

Feeling deflated, Kara plopped down on her couch. She was tired of arguing, tired of feeling guilty for scaring the people she loved most. She and Alex were just starting to process the last few months and Kara had no energy left to explain herself to Cat Grant of all people. Cat who had left her and made no move to offer any support.

“Everytime I pushed you in the past, it was because you were supposed to be better.” Cat simply stated as she lingered near the table. She watched Kara as the girl took off her glasses and pinched the bridge of her nose as if to hold a headache at bay.

“But you weren’t here, were you.” It wasn’t a question. It was an accusation and one Cat couldn’t argue against. But Kara’s voice carried a bitterness that Cat wasn’t used to in her.

“And you...DIED.” Cat spat out the last word as if it would physically hurt to have it on her tongue any longer, as if it was acid burning her mouth. She didn’t like the way time had changed Kara. And she didn’t like how she may have contributed to that.

“Are you seriously disappointed in me because I died? Don’t you think I tried?” Kara sounded weary and the sound of disappointment in her voice was unmistakable. Cat knew she had put it there, but she was unable to stop herself, always lashing out when she felt backed into a corner or vulnerable.

“”Well, you didn’t try hard enough, did you?”

“Are you angry because I died or because I didn’t tell you?” Somewhere deep inside Kara knew it was neither, recognized that they were both struggling with the fact that they felt left behind by someone they cared about. Two fragile beings with abandonment issues, who kept putting their relationships on the line because of who they were.

“You think I wanted to know this? I’d ever want to know this?” Cat swallowed hard, moving closer to the couch so that she could see Kara’s face again. “I never wanted to know that you ever _could_ die, Kara. You were supposed to be the exception.”

“The exception to what?”

“To everything,” Cat said exasperated as if it should have been obvious, “You’ve always been the exception even before 10:15.”

“Because you don’t hire millennials.” Kara remembered fondly even though she was still confused and angry.

“Because I don’t even interview millennials,” Cat reminded her. “But there you were - the exception.”

“And then you left.” The crinkle that had never really left her face reappeared in full force, “I wasn’t the exception then, was I?”

“Yes and no.” Cat sighed, not quite sure how to explain it without baring too much of herself. Then she remembered that that was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. 

Kara patiently waited for Cat to elaborate, blue eyes fixed on hers, so she took a deep breath and explained. “I left and hurt you in the process. You weren’t the exception then, that’s true. But the reason why I left you was.” Kara’s quiet gasp at the admission that Cat had indeed left her didn’t go unnoticed by Cat but she refused to react. “You needed to grow as a reporter - without me. You needed to find your own voice and you couldn’t do that under my mentorship.”

“That’s why you didn’t reply to my article?” It began to make sense to Kara. Not that she was less disappointed, but in Cat’s warped logic it did make sense.

“I never meant to leave indefinitely. I wasn’t lying when I said I’d be coming back. And I did.” Kara nodded. Cat had come back - only to leave again. “But you weren’t there yet.”

“You thought I wasn’t good enough for you yet?” 

“NO, oh my God, Kara no, never that. I didn’t want you to feel like an extension of me, like I was hovering like a mother hen-” Cat pointedly ignored Kara’s cringe- “and you had to cater to my tastes. I was proud of you the whole time, even more when I started to recognize your very own voice in your writing. YOUR voice, very distinct from mine. That’s what I was waiting for before coming back.”

“But that’s not when you came back.” Kara tilted her head slightly and kept Cat fixed with her stare.

“No.” That was easy to admit. “I talked myself out of it for months after that. I talked myself out of it when you received your Pulitzer even - and trust me - I wanted to talk to you then.”

“Why didn’t you? Rao, I wanted you there, Cat.” The older woman tried to ignore the little stutter her heart gave when Kara so casually reverted to call her ‘Cat’ instead of ‘Miss Grant’ and that she had lowered her barriers enough to refer to her own god - Cat mused, and reminded herself to ask Kara about that some time.

“And yet you didn’t invite me. You didn’t even tell me.” Cat had felt rejected when she learned about it, but not from Kara. Proud and happy for her, but rejected.

“Because you never let me know I could.” Kara’s voice rose and she had to make a conscious effort to lower it. “You shrugged me off like last season’s Michael Kors and didn’t give me any indication that you were even remotely interested in me as a reporter OR a person.”

Cat had to suppress a smile, despite the situation, seeing that Kara had indeed grown a backbone in the short time she was under Snapper’s tutelage before he had moved on to The Morning Show. She had hated to lose him, and to a competitor nonetheless, but couldn’t begrudge him for his decision to broaden his horizon.

“I kept tabs on you, Kara. I almost called you when I saw your blog. I knew you’d be in trouble then. But I had to let Snapper handle it. I couldn’t intervene.” 

“Did you know Snapper would fire me?”

“Yes.” Cat knew Kara would be mad about that, but this was not a time for lies.

“You could have prevented it.” Kara accused Cat, clearly angry. “Or warned me.”

“I could have, but what would that have taught you?”

“You agreed with Snapper?”

“Yes.” Cat half shook her head at that, because yes, she knew he was right, but no, she would have handled it differently. “I would have let you off with a warning, but that’s exactly the reason why I needed to let him handle you.”

“HANDLE ME?” Cat saw Kara clench her fists.

“You had the right intentions, but you chose the wrong way, Kara. And you knew it. You acted emotionally, not like a reporter.” Cat sighed. However hard that had been, she knew it was something Kara had needed to learn for herself. “I wanted-” Cat stopped herself mid sentence before she changed direction- “what I wanted didn’t matter. I made the responsible decision for both of us.”

“What did you want?”

“Not something I could have.” Cat shrugged. “Or should have.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m me and you are you. And you are her.”

“How eloquent.” Cat recognized the harsh sarcasm and for a moment thought Kara was mocking her by imitating her. But when she looked at the young woman, she realized that it was all Kara. Cat may have rubbed off on her more than she thought. “You handed me off to Snapper and left. And he was so...mean.”

“Meaner than I was?” Cat challenged, remembering how she had advised Kara to find her anger behind the anger. Kara pretended to think about that and Cat saw some of her anger diffuse.

“Why are you so angry, Kara?” Cat took Kara’s hand.

“Because when I needed you the most you were nowhere to be found.”

“You hardly needed me.” Cat huffed, missing the grimace it caused on Kara’s face, and explained further. “I needed to stay away for Carter.”

“Why?”

“I was President Marsdin’s Press Secretary. Everyone knew I’m an alien supporter and I’m a very public figure. With the way things were here, I couldn’t put Carter at risk. I would have painted a target on his back. And I refused to leave him for an unknown amount of time. I knew you could do it. And I knew you had all the support you would need. No need for us to distract you. You were hardly alone without me.”

“I kind of was, though.” Kara admitted with a shrug.

“You have always been close with your sister and that broody man from that secret government organisation. Not to mention your friends at CatCo. You were not alone.”

“You missed so much,” Kara breathed as she looked up at the ceiling in an attempt to not let the tears fall.

Cat sat down then and at her prompt, Kara continued to tell her everything. From J’onn leaving the DEO, the first signs of the rising racism she had missed, to Col. Haley and how it led to Supergirl losing a huge part of her support system and finally, finally about her Kaznian doppelganger and her own death. How she had really tried, but she had been so tired. Had felt so tired and exhausted and utterly alone. And how she was scared when she realized she was losing her last fight. Scared but strangely relieved. She hung her head in shame at that last admission.

“Oh Kara,” Cat sighed, her voice frayed and trembling. Both women had shed a fair amount of tears when Kara finished. With every word, Cat had felt more guilty, felt the realization that she had indeed abandoned Kara when she had needed her most. “You should have called me.”

“I didn’t think I was allowed to want that.”

“You are allowed to want everything, Kara.”

“But…” Kara licked her lips and stopped, her eyes rising to Cat’s, blood-shot and unsure.

“But?” Cat encouraged her.

“Some things I am not allowed to want.”

“Why?”

“Because I am me,” her voice was barely a whisper and Cat had to strain her ears to even hear her, “and you are you.”

“Kara?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I know I disappointed you and you couldn’t possibly...I shouldn’t have said that.” Kara took a deep breath, “I’m sorry Miss Grant. I think you should leave now.”

“Cat,” she was corrected. “And I don’t think I should leave.”

Kara looked helplessly at her, not wanting to hope, but not being able to ignore the tiny flimmer that started to spread in her chest.

“I need to be brutally honest with you, Kara,” Cat fidgeted with her hands, something she rarely, if ever, did. “I keep telling you how I stayed away for you or for Carter, but…” she took a deep breath, “that’s not the whole truth.”

She owed it to Kara. If the girl could be so open with her, so trusting with the truth even after everything Cat had done, or not done, she deserved to hear the whole story from Cat. Even if it meant admitting a weakness that made Cat vulnerable. She had to trust - and she did - that Kara would never exploit it.

“I relied on you more than I should have in the last four years, especially so in the last two. Maybe I needed to prove to myself that I was still self-sufficient, that I didn’t _need_ anyone to rely on.”

“That’s sounds wrong and lonely,” Kara muttered as that line of thinking went against everything she was taught growing up.

“It can be lonely, but that’s something I know, something I can predict. I needed to make sure that my emotional well-being wasn’t dependent on you, that I could still do this all by myself.”

“And can you?” The slight pain in Kara’s voice was unmistakable. It was obvious that she didn’t take this well, but Cat knew she had to see it through to make her understand.

“Yes-” Kara’s grimace and barely audible whine almost made her roll her eyes, but she kept herself in check and continued matter-of-factly- “and pretty well actually. But there was something else I learned.”

“Hmmm.” Kara huffed, not sure if she really wanted to hear the rest of this - not if it went the same direction Cat was going at the moment.

“I don’t want to.”

“You don’t?” Kara’s eyes widened in surprise. She was sure this was going somewhere else, despite Cat’s body language. She honestly thought Cat was letting her down easy.

“No Kara, I really don’t.” Cat raised her hand against Kara’s cheek and smiled when the younger woman tilted her head to press against the offered connection. And there’s something else I realized. I keep preaching about women’s agency and hearing their voices...and I haven’t given you the same treatment. Not the way I should have. I made a decision that should have partly been yours. I decided I shouldn’t put you on the spot and make you uncomfortable, but I never considered that you deserved to be heard, that you had a right to make that choice for yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I couldn’t come back in the last few months. I would have made myself and Carter a target. But I could have come back before that. I could have come back and taken a chance on us. But I decided that I couldn’t put this on you. I decided that I wasn’t good enough, that you would never take an interest in me and I chickened out. But if I had been here all along, if I had let you make this choice,” Cat huffed, guilt written all over her face. “You would have not felt so alone. You would have had me. I would have had your back. You’ve been abandoned enough to last you several lifetimes. I’ve done my fair share of that,” she admitted. “I thought I knew what you needed, but I think it’s time you get a say.”

Cat tilted her head and grasped Kara’s hand in hers giving it a gentle tug of encouragement. Her heart gave a stutter and a tiny gasp escaped her mouth when Kara looked at her, eyes bright with hope and hesitation.

“What do you want, Kara?” she asked, edging imperceptibly closer.

“You?” her voice was barely even a whisper.

“Is that your answer or a question?”

“You.” Kara tried again, with a little more conviction.

“You had me at 10:15.” Cat sighed and her hand slid deeper into Kara’s, bringing the palms flat against each other, letting her feel Kara’s frantic pulse against her wrist.

“How long are you staying?” Kara couldn’t take her eyes off of Cat’s fingers intertwined between hers.

“That depends.”

“On?”

“How long you think you can put up with me.”

“Please don’t go.” Kara didn’t like sounding needy, but not asking for things had not gotten her anywhere.

“Okay.” Cat replied, relieved that Kara finally asked for something.

“Okay?”

“Okay.” Cat squeezed her hand.

“Simple as that?”

“Simple as that.” She pulled her closer. “Kara?”

“Yes?” Kara was close enough for her breath to move Cat’s hair.

“I need to ask you something.” Cat swallowed heavily. “I really want to kiss you, but…”

“But?”

“What’s your name?” The question was unexpected and broke the tension a little.

“You know my name is Kara.”

“What’s your real name?” Cat pressed needing to know before she let anything happen between them. She didn’t want Kara Danvers. She didn’t want Supergirl. She wanted all of the girl sitting beside her. Not two halves.

“Kara is my real name.”

“Hello Kara, my name is Catherine Jane Grant, CEO of CatCo WorldWide Media.” She tried another tactic. Kara swallowed, knowing what Cat wanted. She wasn’t used to it, to revealing herself like that. To owning herself like that.

“I’m Kara Zor-El, last daughter of Krypton,” she finally said her spine straightening, her shoulders slightly rising out of their slump as she said it, slowly and measured, her eyes glinting with pride.

“There you are.” Cat breathed in awe at finally, finally being allowed to see all of Kara. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

“I’ve been here all along.” Kara argued, even though knowing it wasn’t true.

“No, you’ve been hiding, diminishing yourself for the sake of others.” Cat’s eyes roamed over Kara’s features, her hands reaching up to take her glasses off. “But I want _you_.”

“Cat?”

“Yes?”

“Can you kiss me now?”

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn’t my best work and I apologize profusely, but I still needed to get it out there because otherwise I know I wouldn’t have gone back to it and it would have rotted on my hard drive, sad and forgotten.Y’all feel free the curse me and send me hate messages (please don’t, I have a very fragile ego, but I strive to be sassier - and a better writer.) You can find me on Twitter (keydiehhurst) or tumblr (emmikamikatze) if you haven’t already. 
> 
> PS: I still haven’t found a beta reader for this, so if anyone feels their fingers itching to correct some blatant mistakes or just this better in any way, feel free to contact me - or send me an edited version of this, lol.
> 
> PPS: This chapter notches up the rating, so be aware.

The first press of lips against lips was nothing like Kara had expected and everything at the same time. In the few fantasies she had allowed herself and the few that had come unbidden, that she had tried to suppress, there had always been an urgency, something rushed and needy. In most fantasies it was just one of them losing patience and in a rush of emotion diving in. But this...this was soft and unhurried. As if Cat had been meticulously planning this exact moment and was making sure her lips learned every miniscule dip of Kara’s.

In a moment of awe, Kara realized Cat must have been thinking about this almost as much as she had. Almost, because she couldn’t fathom anyone would ever spend as much time thinking about her lips as she had lost brainpower thinking about Cat’s. The way she purses them when angry, the they fall open during that infinitesimal moment when she is rendered speechless - because it is never more than that, the way they slightly, almost imperceptibly, curl at the corners when Cat thinks no one notices. But Kara does, always has, because there’s never been a single thing about Cat Grant that Kara had wanted to miss.

And now, those lips were pressing against hers, moving against hers, opening against hers and allowing Cat’s tongue to trace Kara’s upper lip. With a gasp Kara’s mouth opened allowing entrance and suddenly all the softness was gone. Suddenly, all that neediness and urgency was there as if the floodgates had opened and nothing was holding them back anymore. Or, Kara fleetingly thought, as if they were both afraid something would come along shortly and hold them back again.

Suddenly they were all hands and lips and tongues. Kara’s hands tangled in Cat’s hair, while Cat’s hands reached between them and started unbuttoning Kara’s blouse. For once, the young woman was relieved to have foregone her suit, when Cat finally met skin, her fingers swiftly slipping into a cup of Kara’s bra, deftly taking possession of a soft breast, possessive and sure.

Cat turned then, her hand never straying from inside Kara’s shirt, one thigh slipping over and between Kara’s, pressing herself against her side, unashamed and needy. Kara sighed when a thumb brushed over her nipple and fastened her opening of Cat’s shirt, ripping off a button or two in the process. She slipped off the shirt and the silk camisole and found nothing else keeping her from her first goal.

Lost in the sight before her she hadn’t even noticed that Cat had gotten rid of Kara’s bra and opened her belt and pants. Her hands had fallen to her sides and she desperately want to reach out and pull Cat against her, hard. But she forced herself to practice restraint, lest she lose control and hurt Cat. She was worked up so much, she could hardly see straight. There was just Cat’s warmth and Cat’s skin and Cat’s hands everywhere and Cat’s perfume tickling her nostrils and Kara felt lost in the sensations.

“Oh Rao,” Kara gasped her breathing growing more and more laboured as Cat’s warm lips closed around a nipple, her hands clenching at nothing as she tried to keep them from grasping Cat.

“Do you want to slow down?” Cat asked aware that Kara was desperately trying to control her reactions.

“NO,” the reply came too sudden, too forced, and the way Kara’s eyelids squeezed shut and her pelvis suddenly shot up as Cat’s hand slid against her center was more than telling. Cat wasn’t sure but there may even have been a faint glow behind Kara’s eyelids.

“Do you  _ need _ to slow down?” Cat held her hand still, pressed against the damp warmth, calming instead of stimulating.

“I don’t…” Kara swallowed heavily, “I think I do, yeah,” she finally admitted hating to break the mood, but Cat didn’t seem put off.

“Should we stop or just…” Cat’s question was cut off from Kara’s mouth against hers again, a clear signal that stopping altogether was not an option.

Cat pulled her hand out of Kara’s pants and moved it back to her chest. That seemed safer and she refused to break skin contact altogether, unless Kara clearly told her to. It produced a small sigh of disappointment from the younger woman, but Cat could see the relief on Kara’s face when her body seemed to somewhat settle down again. Kara placed her own hands on Cat again and with her strength back under control felt safe to indeed pull her closer.

As they kept their lips glued together in unhurried kisses, Cat moved over Kara and straddled her lap, her pelvis rocking on their own volition. She knew her panties must be soaked through and she thought she was about to cry when she felt Kara’s hands move lower.

“Is it okay if I…” Kara wanted to make sure, while her fingers moved along the inside of Cat’s thigh, bunching up the skirt in the process.

“Please,” Cat stated more than asked and it was clear that she was still dying to be touched

Kara groaned when she finally reached Cat’s soaked panties and the little broken moan Cat released at the contact made her feel hot all over.

Cat was abundantly aroused, letting Kara’s finger practically slip along her lower lips and around her clit. She dipped a finger into Cat’s opening, moved back up to flick the bundle of nerves, then slid two fingers knuckle deep in. Cat’s grasp on Kara’s shoulder tightened, and her pelvis gyrated in Kara’s lap as she pressed her forehead into the slope of her shoulder, breath puffing against Kara’s skin as she tried to get more friction from Kara’s fingers, but it wasn’t enough.

Cat was vibrating with need and she was about ready to beg when Kara finally entered her with three fingers, curling them slightly, allowing Cat to ride her hand. Cat thrust her hips down on Kara’s hand repeatedly, riding her fingers in helpless abandon as she heard their moans and groans mingling. She came hard and fast, her hips jerking against Kara, even as she slumped forward and clung to the younger woman. The ferocity between them simmered down and Cat panted hotly into Kara’s skin in a futile attempt to recover her breathing.

Kara held her close while Cat tentatively took measured breaths, her body still quaking with little aftershocks every now and then, Kara’s hand soothingly running up and down her back. When Cat had somewhat calmed down, Kara moved her hands under Cat’s thighs and stood up, bringing the older woman with her in a smooth motion. Cat wound her arms around Kara’s neck and let herself be carried into the bedroom.

“I’m overdressed.” The words were slightly slurred by exhaustion and Cat being half-asleep, but the statement and Cat’s pose of stretching her legs were a clear sign that she expected Kara to take off the rumpled skirt for her.

Kara smirked and didn’t hesitate. If Cat Grant wanted her clothes taken off, who was she to deny her. After what they had just done on her couch, Kara couldn’t wait to have her hands everywhere on that delectable body, explore every curve and dip, every dimple and crease. There was not an inch on Cat that Kara didn’t want to explore and learn and - since her mind was straying into formerly forbidden territory anyway - taste.

Kara made short work of the skirt and the soaked panties and followed suit with her own remaining clothing. Cat was unabashedly staring at her as she stripped, not hiding anything, neither her body, nor the lust in her eyes - or the love in her gaze as it settled on Kara’s face if she wasn’t entirely mistaken. It made her pause for a moment and take in the sight as well. The woman she had silently loved for years, with actions when the words were forbidden, stretched out before her and waiting for her to join her. The realization made Kara swallow heavily and clasp her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms, lest all this was just a very vivid dream and she wake up any moment. But the slight sting was there and so was Cat. And the way in which Cat took Kara’s demeanour in, the tensing, the suddenly forlorn look, and the tender beckoning in her gaze moved Kara into action, crawling over Cat, rejoicing when she parted her legs to receive Kara.

And the younger woman moved up her body, kissing and nipping, taking Cat’s lip in a bruising kiss before moving back down, hands everywhere where her mouth was not. Kara stopped at her breast, tracing a nipple with the tip of her tongue before closing her lips around it and sucking. Hard. Cat shrieked in an undignified manner and pushed her chest up into Kara’s mouth, hands falling to the bed and gripping the sheets. Kara moved on to the other breast, granting it the same treatment before moving lower still. 

Cat looked down when she felt Kara’s hot breath move lower and lower, without stopping moving past her belly button. She sucked in a breath and tensed when Kara nipped the tender skin in the hollow of Cat’s hip, Kara’s hands going to her thighs, holding her steady when her pelvis shot up. When Kara’s head bobbed up and she looked at Cat through the curtain of hair, Cat couldn’t help herself but reach out and move the hair from her face needing to see her eyes when she gave a nod of approval.

And then Kara dove in and if Cat thought her shriek was undignified, then the stream of curse words and crude noises coming out of her should be embarrassing. Strangely enough she was anything but embarrassed. A sharp shred of pleasure shot through her when the hot tip of Kara’s tongue made contact with her sensitive clit. The hands on her thighs seemed to burn right through her skin. Her insistent mouth worked Cat like a fiddle. Tongue everywhere, alternating between short nips with the tip of her tongue and long broad strokes with the flat of it. Or sucking the inner labia in before moving back up. Cat though she was going stir crazy with want and surely Kara had to suffocate with the way she pressed herself against the girl’s face.

Kara moved on hand on Cat’s lower abdomen, gently holding her down while her thumb pressed into her bundle of nerves, and the other hand to her entrance, entering her with two fingers, curling, pressing against the rough patch inside her and lazily moved them in and out. Kara had to close her eyes when she felt Cat tighten around her fingers, making her part of her, so intimately Kara could barely stand it. She pumped a little harder and looked up at Cat’s face as she settled her mouth on the bundle of nerves, kept her gaze glued to her lovers, as she sucked and sucked and felt Cat clench around her, saw Cat’s mouth open in an ‘O’ and her hand move to cover her silent scream. 

Her breath caught in her throat and no sound came out as her vision blurred and lights exploded behind her closed eyelids. Cat’s hand frantically searched for something to hold on to as her whole body grew taut, her pelvis bucking into Kara’s face so hard, surely she’d have broken the girl’s neck if were she human. The hand found a hold in Kara’s hair, janking hard as Cat bucked violently and uncontrollaby.

Gently, Kara’s mouth worked Cat down and when only the odd tremor remained, she lay her face against the inside of Cat’s thigh and waited for the older blonde to come back to herself and open her eyes.

“Come here,” she heard the quiet mumble instead, Cat obviously too worn out to open her eyes, so Kara crawls back up and plops down beside her.

Cat tried to reach for her, but her limbs were jelly and wouldn’t quite obey her yet, so Kara gathered her close, slipped one of her thighs between Cat’s and snuggled as close as she could possible get without occupying the same space. She pulled one of Cat’s arms over her waist and slung her own over Cat’s. The space between them practically nonexistent, they fell asleep to the warm puffs of air on each others skin. Life hadn’t quite felt this perfect, Kara thought before she fell asleep with a naked and sated Cat Grant in her arms.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may find the odd tense change here and there. I hope I caught all of them but it's a really bad habit that keeps popping up - I tend to write narratives in past tense and smut in present tense, don't ask me why, and then have to go back in and edit the crap out of that. It's annoying.

It was still dark out when Cat woke. She looked around the room, disoriented at the unfamiliar surroundings before her eyes settled on Kara’s sleeping form next to her. She looked peaceful, her face soft and relaxed. She lay on her back, body slightly turned towards Cat. The room was dark save for the orange glow from the street lights and Cat enjoyed the quiet calm of the early, undisturbed morning hours. It meant she could watch Kara without interruptions.

Kara’s breathing was deep and regular and her eyes moved rapidly behind her closed eyelids. She was obviously sleeping soundly and dreaming. Dreaming something pleasant judging from the slight smile playing around her lips. Kara’s nipples strained against the thin bed sheet and Cat wondered if Kara was having a nice dream or if she was simply cold. If she could even get cold. 

Considering the skimpy skirt she had been flying around in for way longer than Cat cared for before finally deciding on pants that didn’t have every testosterone-addled brain try to catch a glimpse - Cat rolled her eyes in silent annoyance - she decided that Kara was probably more or less temperature immune. That meant she must be having quite a nice dream. It sent a shot of pleasure through Cat and she idly wondered how she could be so aroused so soon after last night. Not that it  _ really _ surprised her. The bigger question was if she would ever tire of the girl next to her, if the desire she felt for her would ever lessen, even numb down a little, if she could ever grow tired of wanting to touch her, of simply wanting her. No, she couldn’t imagine such a scenario, she decided.

Kara sighed in her sleep and her tongue came out to wet her lower lip, drawing Cat’s gaze and pulling a fresh shard of pleasure. Whatever she was dreaming, Cat wasn’t one to miss an opportunity. She kissed the naked shoulder presented to her and moved one of her hands under the covers, carefully cupping a breast and moving her thumb back and forth over a hardening nipple.

Kara’s tongue snuck out again and her teeth caught her lower lip, brows furrowing. When her eyes didn’t open, Cat was sure what kind of dream Kara was having and it played right into her hand. Cat carefully moved her head under the covers and down Kara’s body, trying not to fully wake her. She could smell Kara’s arousal and didn’t hesitate to put her own mouth to good use. 

Kara had the most delicious dream. A thigh clenching kind of dream and she was pretty sure it was the best dream she’s ever had. She felt warm and tingly and oh so wet and the pleasure was already crashing inside her like a stormy sea against a rocky shore.

Her eyes snapped open when she realized she wasn’t dreaming anymore. The head between her legs was as real as the hot mouth currently settling against her sex. She felt the fire shooting to her groin and her pelvis rocking against Cat’s face. At least she was sure it was Cat. Her mind was still awfully foggy from sleep and the head that this talented mouth belonged to was under the covers.

“Cat?” Kara mumbled and the hummed reply had her pelvis rocking against Cat’s face and her mouth uttering a loud ‘Fuck’ before she could hold back. 

There was a slight pause under the covers at the unfamiliar curse from  _ those _ lips. But if anything it spurred Cat on and she dove back in with even more purpose. Kara was pretty sure she was going to die from the pleasure, and she felt her hips strain against Cat’s mouth, her head falling back against the pillow. The muscles in her legs were so tense she found her feet sliding against the sheets, trying to find anything to settle against. When Cat started to suck her nub with even more purpose, Kara felt her thighs clamp close around the head between them and suddenly she saw red and panicked.

“STOP!” The terror-stricken voice filled the room just as the sound of ripping bedsheets met Cat’s ears.

It didn’t even take a fraction of a second before Cat moved away from Kara and pulled the sheets from her head.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, gaze scanning the room and then Kara, searching her face to see if she had heard an emergency somewhere.

“Oh Rao,” Kara stuttered, arm covering her face, whole body trembling. “I’m sorry.”

Cat’s heart rate slowed somewhat at the realization that no outside source had interrupted them. She crawled back up to bring herself face to face with Kara and gently pulled her arm down.

“Hey,” she whispered, “it’s just me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s too much. I can’t…” Kara trailed off, unsure, her eyes scanning the ceiling, unwilling to meet Cat’s. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Cat reassured her. “Not for this. Never for this.”

Cat pulled the sheet over them and took Kara’s hand into hers, squeezing lightly. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Kara looked at her, unsure, not wanting to ruin this before they had even really started, not wanting to send Cat running for the hills again or whatever country she had come back from, but the openness in Cat’s face gave her the courage to be honest.

“You’re too much,” she started, and at Cat’s falling face quickly corrected herself, “not you -  _ it _ . It’s too intense and I...I can’t control myself. I can feel myself slipping.”

“You’re not supposed to be able to control yourself when I’m doing things right.” Cat smirked, obviously a little proud of herself.

“ _ You _ are not supposed to control yourself.” Kara stressed, and Cat wasn’t sure if she meant her specifically or humans in general. “When  _ I _ lose control, things happen - horrible things.”

“Oh Kara,” Cat sighed. “I didn’t think. Haven’t you ever-” she tried to think how to put this delicately and not embarrass Kara too much- “tried this before?” Surely with her talent, the young woman must have had some experiences.

Kara blushes furiously at both the insinuation and the topic they are talking about. She’s never really been comfortable discussing sex openly. Which is probably what got her into this mess in the first place.

“I’ve done it before,” she braves forward despite her inhibitions, “Sex, I mean. It’s not like I’m not a blushing virgin.” Cat refrained from commenting on the blushing part, but barely and she knew Kara could see it in her eyes anyway, because she rolled her eyes slightly and a grin started to form on her gorgeous face. “But it’s never been this intense. I’ve never even been close to losing control. But you...you are  _ you _ and…” she didn’t quite know how to explain it but Cat seemed to get it anyway judging from the way her hand gripped her shoulder and she scooted closer to Kara, spooning her as her arms settle around the younger woman.

They stayed quiet for a while, the silence not uncomfortable, the soft motions of fingers caressing soft naked skin and the sync of their breathing soothing to both of them, starting to lull them back to sleep.

“Never? Cat’s sudden question pierced the silence.

“Huh?”

“Have you never had an orgasm?” Cat asked matter-of-factly, as if it was the most illogical thing that could happen to a person.

“Uhm, yes but…”

“Never at the hands of someone else?” Cat clarified and at Kara’s nod continued, “What’s different?”

“You actually care, if I...you know.” Cat shook her head, gesturing that that wasn’t what she meant. “With me?” A nod against her shoulder as Cat’s fingers slid down her spine and a gentle kiss was pressed between her shoulder blades. “It’s predictable.” Cat’s hand cupped Kara’s breast, just holding it, knowing this was safe territory. “It’s not overwhelmingly great but it’s okay as a quick release, when I’m stressed.” Kara shrugged and felt Cat’s heartbeat quicken. 

Cat forced herself to remain calm at the thought of Kara pleasuring herself but knew it was futile since Kara could pick up even the slightest elevation of her heartbeat. Kara didn’t comment on it, though, and Cat relaxed reminding herself that there was nothing wrong with getting aroused by the image of her girlfriend - was that what they were now? - masturbating.

“Okay,” Cat yawned and noticing the first glimpse of daylight decided they should catch another hour or so of sleep before Kara had to get ready for work.

They fell into a routine during the week that followed. Kara was happy to have Cat back, if not at work, but in her life. She went to Karaoke Night, but didn’t feel ready to share yet and although Alex kept giving her weird questioning glances, she didn’t outright ask and Kara was glad that Kelly kept her occupied and distracted. Not that Kara planned to keep it a secret for long, or lie to her sister. But this felt new and raw, Kara felt raw. And she wasn’t willing to share this feeling with anyone yet. 

So when Tuesday of the following week came around, and no Supergirl emergencies called her attention and no news stories had to be broken ASAP, or interviews to be conducted, Kara decided to call it an early day and texted Cat to ask if she was free. The reply didn’t take long. Kara felt giddy when Cat let her know to come to her penthouse. It was the one thing, Cat had not gotten rid of in National City, and the exact thing that always let Kara cling to the hope that maybe one day Cat would be back after all. Why else keep the penthouse anyway? Kara would be lying if she said she hadn’t done the occasional fly-by to check if anything had changed there.

It wasn’t even six when she stepped out of the private elevator and was greeted by the golden hues of candle light and the gentle lull of soft music. The aroma of delicious food rafted through the air and hit her senses and Kara felt and heard the responding grumble of her stomach. The quiet chuckle from the corner to the kitchen told her that Cat must have heard it as well and Kara grinned at her with a shrug.

“I could kill for something to eat,” she says cockily as she walks into Cat’s arms, embracing her while her eyes roamed the kitchen.

“No need,” Cat gave her a quick peck on the cheek before pulling her to the table. “Sit down and dig in.” 

By now, she was well aware of Kara’s appetite and although she knew about her absolute love for food, the way Kara sounded right then as she stuffed a spoonful of the vegetable biryani into her mouth should definitely be illegal. Cat felt herself flush with want, but forced herself to eat as well. Her eyes never strayed from Kara’s face.

“What?” Kara caught her stare and suddenly felt self-conscious, wiping her cheeks and checking if she had dropped food into her lap or on the floor.

“Nothing, I just…” Cat could already feel the words roll from her tongue but swallowed them before she could spill them prematurely. Not that she thought Kara would feel differently, or would think less of her, but this openness that came so natural to Kara, it wasn’t Cat. “I missed you.” She opted for the safe option instead.

“I missed you, too.” Kara grinned before she continued to eat, clearing her plate after taking seconds.

Cat was patient. It didn’t come naturally, but this time she forced herself to be patient. She wanted Kara relaxed for this. She had spent a whole week researching and planning and when Kara had texted her earlier she had decided that it was the perfect opportunity to test her theory. 

Cat Grant was a perfectionist and the fact that Kara couldn’t reach sexual fulfilment with her, well, she considered that a personal failure. She wouldn’t stand for it. She owed it to herself and to Kara to at least try. If Kara decided she’d rather not to go for it, or they failed, well then, at least they had tried, at least Cat had not just given up. Cat Grant was not a quitter.

Kara needed safe and predictable and Cat had planned for that. She waited until Kara wiped her mouth with her napkin and leaned back in her chair.

“Kara, there’s something,” she swallowed against the lump in her throat.  _ Now her nerves were betraying her? _ “There’s something I want to try. You can say no, of course.”

Kara’s eyes opened with curiosity. Cat had been planning something and Kara couldn’t wait to find out. “I’d try anything with you,” she blurts and she’s sure she means it.

“Let’s see.” Cat reveled in Kara’s trust and took her by the hand, pulling her towards the master bathroom, where more candles and a full bathtub were waiting. Steam was rising from the water, void of bubbles, but the faint aroma of something, lavender maybe, was filling the air.

Cat took off her clothes, her eyes glued to Kara’s searching for any sign of hesitation, then stepped closer to her lover and proceeded to take off her clothes as well. When they were both naked, Cat stepped into the tub and settled back, beckoning Kara to follow suit. was no hesitation as Kara stepped into the hot water and let Cat maneuver her around until her back was pressed against Cat’s chest, Cat’s legs scissoring Kara’s.

Sure hands moved up and down Kara’s arms, lapping water all over the skin that wasn’t submerged in the water, until Kara was fully relaxed, her body molding into Cat’s. That was when Cat started pressing kisses along her slender neck and the slope of her shoulder, nipping as if to leave a mark. Cat’s hands came up to cradle Kara’s breasts, soft and warm as the bath water, a stimulus, but not a stark contrast. Kara sighed and hummed in approval, thinking that she could stay like this forever. But Cat took one of her hands and intertwined their fingers, moved the joined hands to the inside of Kara’s thigh, caressing the tender skin, up and down, up and down, maddeningly slow.

“Let’s do slow and predictable,” she mumbled against Kara’s ear as she moved their hands further up to cup Kara’s sex, already swollen in anticipation. Kara swallowed heavily but nodded. She trusted Cat and wanted to give it a try if it was that important to her.

The warm water covering most her skin provides constant sensory input over most of her body, Kara realized, and the gentle wave of the water, washing against her torso were soothing her while the hands between her thighs were gently working her up. Kara let her head fall back on Cat’s shoulder and closed her eyes, letting the emotions wash over her. She felt cocooned in warmth and safety and the steady and predictable pace smoothened all the edges of her senses. And even when her legs started to tremble and her muscles started to tighten, she felt safe and couldn’t even start to think about stopping this. 

Cat’s hand over Kara’s never faltered or strayed, her breathing deep and hot against her cheek, as Kara imagined Cat’s gaze glued to their joined hands, she furrowed her brows and her breath hitched and a whimper escaped her. She felt and heard the moan against the side of her face but never stopped moving her hand. Her other hand grasped her own thigh as she felt herself nearing orgasm, the whimpers she was no longer holding back echoing in the small bathroom. And then she was there, her whole body tensing, a deep guttural groan accompanying the tight squeeze of her closed eyes and while her own hand retreated from between her legs, she was suddenly relieved when Cat’s hand didn’t but instead cupped Kara’s throbbing sex as if to protect her from more stimulus. Kara came back to herself to a gentle swaying and the soothing “Shhhh” of Cat’s voice in her ear and suddenly she couldn’t hold back the tears despite what it might make Cat think of her.

“It’s okay,” a whispered promise, “I got you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to make a cut here. I have some more ideas and some paragraphs written out, but I haven't decided yet if I want that added on in this story or if it would be better off in a whole other story. So just treat this as if it is the end, cause it more than likely is.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I went there with The Morning Show, lol.
> 
> Chapter 2 is being edited as you read!


End file.
